Church hurt

Last week we talked about the importance of surrounding ourselves with other believers and the importance of being in church. There is a lot of commentary on the internet right now about people leaving the church. Why are people leaving the church?

Some have experienced some terrible things in the church. Some have been offended. Some may have simply been in the wrong church for them. There are a wide range of reasons, and I may never understand the depths of pain some people have experienced at the hands of Christians in the church. This post is not to minimise or trivialize that pain. However, my hope is that with this post we can ask ourselves one simple question: why did we go to church in the first place?

Was it because we had a need that only God could meet? Has that need been met? A lot of people stop going to church when they have a prayer they need God to answer and they get the answer they want or they don’t get the answer they want. Either way, that reflects that the motive for going to church was never to encounter God and get to know Him but they were looking for Santa.

If you have recently left the church or are thinking of leaving the church, why did you start going to church in the beginning? Was it because you realised that life was much bigger than you and you needed God to help you navigate it? Was it because you fell in love with Jesus and believe He is wonderful in every way?

The problem I am seeing is one that has existed for a very long time, it is not new. People set within themselves, a very high bar for Christians and people in the church. They start attending church only to realise that the people they encounter are flawed and that in a lot of ways can be devastating. I have been to a church where the pastor had an affair with one of the ladies in the church. Both were married. This lady was a young mom and was so lovely and would sometimes pick me up for church. These were people I knew. Was it hard to hear the news? Absolutely. Was it disappointing? 100%. But at the end of the day, they need to give an account for their lives before God in the same way I need to give an account to God for my life.

I know the word of God says we are not to neglect meeting together, Hebrews 10:25. So I am required to be in the church regardless of what other people may be doing. When I stand before God and He asks me, “Did you do what I asked you to do?” I do not think me saying, “Oh remember that church that I went to 20 years ago? Yeah, the pastor had a moral failing and it put me off church so yeah no I did not complete my call because I was so outraged and disappointed.” That is not going to be a good enough answer. For starters, it is not my job to judge them. Secondly, what they did is between them and God. I am responsible for what I do moving forward. Yes, when people hurt us, they are responsible for what they did to us. However, that doesn’t take away our personal responsibility. We are still responsible for how we respond and what we do going forward.

We all need Jesus that’s why we are in the church. Reality is, we never get to a stage in life, a role or title in the church or so anointed that we do not need Jesus. When we see people who are anointed, sometimes we think it makes them super human but reality is yes, they carry the super (which is Holy Spirit, who lives in all of us by the way) but they are still human. 2 Corinthians 4:7 says, “We are like common clay jars that carry this glorious treasure within, so that this immeasurable power will be seen as God’s, not ours.” This is the apostle Paul speaking. We cannot equate people with their gift. Their gift came from God, and it was given to bless us, yay! There are no “special people” who are exempt from temptation and the realities of life. So, as much as you are capable of sinning, so are those who are in the church and those who are leading the church. We all need Jesus.

Matthew 9:11-13 talking about Jesus dining with Matthew the tax collector says, “When those known as the Pharisees saw what was happening, they were indignant, and they kept asking Jesus’ disciples, “Why would your Master dine with such lowlifes?”  When Jesus overheard this, he spoke up and said, “Healthy people don’t need to see a doctor, but the sick  will go for treatment.” Then he added, “Now you should go and study the meaning of the verse:

I want you to show mercy, not just offer me a sacrifice. 

For I have come to invite the outcasts of society and sinners, not those who think they are already on the right path.” 

Jesus came for the marginalised and the sick, and we all qualify because we are all messed up and need help. If you can’t own that, you may be more messed up than you realise, haha! If we are all sick and need the doctor, why do we expect to go to church and find healthy people? We are all lining up to see the Physician mate! Haha! The church is full of people who need Jesus and who are on the journey of life. They are far from perfect. Only Jesus is perfect. 

Not going to church because people are imperfect is like refusing to go to the hospital because it is full of sick people. Sick people go to the hospital. People who recognise their need for Jesus go to church. We all need Jesus but not every person is in church. It is when we recognise that besides Him, there is no other and we cannot do this life without Him that we humble ourselves and go to church.

God is still God and He still loves the church. You can’t love God and hate what He loves.  If you have been mistreated in a church, I am so sorry about that but you need to find another church. However, if every church is the problem, then do what I do when I am PMSing and everyone is getting on my nerves. Stop and self-evaluate because they can’t all be the problem. Be open to thinking, “Hey, maybe I am the problem. Maybe I need to adjust something and allow Jesus to work on me.” 

Find the church that God has for you. I didn’t say one that is comfortable to you and doesn’t challenge you. Prayerfully ask God to direct you to the right church for you and make a decision to stay there until Jesus returns or He moves you. After all, church is like family. We all have a crazy uncle or aunt but hey, they are family.

Don’t let the mistakes of others derail God’s plans for your life. Just because they messed up doesn’t mean God is done with you. Get back up. Dust yourself off and get plugged into another church. Whoever hurt you has already taken enough from you. It is in the past. Now, don’t let them rob you of your future. Eternity is a long time to regret what we could have done. Who we could have become. Let’s get right with God while there is still time. Find a church family that can support you on your God journey.

Love and blessings,

Melissa Tsingano